Let There Be Sims!!!

I've been super excited about The Sims 3 release, but Lisa just got me even MORE excited because she had not heard of it yet (Yeah, you were definitely living under a rock).

I heard about TS3 almost 2 years ago and all I knew about it was that it was going to be better and with more features and that it was going to come out 2009. 2009 felt like an eternity! Then, around the beginning of fall 2008 I found out the release date. February 20th 2009! It didn't seem like that long of a wait, I was super excited. I decided that I needed a new laptop because my Dell was a few years old, and I had originally bought it for College and it didn't have the gaming capacities that it needed for Sims 2 (so slooooow) much less Sims 3.

So I bought a Sony Vaio during Cyber Monday Sale, so I'd be ready for Feb. when TS3 came out.

The weekend before TS3 was supposed to come out, I was bouncing off the walls. And I decided to go to their site because I hadn't been there in about a month and I wanted to check up on some more spoilers, hehe. And, something told me to check the date, because certain things get pushed back and others get released earlier. What if they released it earlier and I wasn't aware of it?

WELL! My heart broke. Shattered into a billion pieces. TS3 was pushed back to June 2nd!!! I wanted to die! I hurried my ass and got money together to buy that laptop just so I could have it for February when Sims came out and now I have to wait till June 2nd?!?

Bull!!!

But finally, THIS TUESDAY is the release. And I'm even more excited now that I was then. So many new videos came out and now I know what I'm missing and I can't freaking wait! I wish there was a Midnight release party near me because I would have gotten it then. As it is, I have to spend the beginning of Tuesday at work, waiting. I'm not very patient and it's going to kill me. I wont get to go to Best Buy till after 3 p.m.

By that time about a million people probably will have bought it, installed it, created their own sims, built them a home, had them whoo hoo, have kids, and their kids are having kids...and I'll STILL be at work waiting to buy it.

LOOK AT ALL THE COOL STUFF WE GET TO DO NOW!!!

Go ahead and laugh!

I think I’m a rather funny person. Not on purpose, I just do and say funny things. This is a recent development, since I’m more comfortable in my own skin and I don’t take things as serious as I once did.

This is what transpired between me and my roomie last night.

It was almost 10 p.m. We were watching the end of Charm School and Ashley was talking my ear off, as she tends to do when she misses me and hasn’t spent time with me in days.

At some point she stopped talking about important stuff and was just making small talk, so I kiiiinda tuned her out some. (Hey I was talking to Rick on AIM, I was very amused…)

A commercial for Drag Me To Hell comes on T.V. Rick messages me and Lisa texts me all at the same time. Sorry Ash, but you’re getting ignored, I can only do so much multi tasking.

Ashley says, “I saw the theatrical trailers for this. She gets cursed cuz she wouldn’t give an old lady a loan.”

My brain which was occupied with Rick and Lisa takes the information and rewires it. This is what I heard:

“I saw the theatrical trailer for this. She gets cursed cuz she wouldn’t leave an old lady alone.”

Well hell THAT got my attention!

I was riveted now.

“Wait, hold up!” I stopped typing and looked at Ashley, my eyes bugging out. “This chick is going to hell cuz she wouldn’t leave an old lady alone!? What the hell!?”

Insert Ashley laughing her ass off at me.

“No, that’s not what I said--”

“Shit, remind me to leave old people alone. Sabes que, she tells me to leave her alone and I’m walking out the room.”

Is this as funny to you guys as it was to us? Cuz lemme tell you, we were laughing kinda hard. And I told her if it’s Rick or Lisa I’m talking to she needs to realize I wont be paying attention to her unless she’s talking about penises. And even then, it better be a big penis, it would help if she were waving said penis in my face too…

But that’s enough of that. Just thought I’d share. I was laughing a lot last night between Rick, Charm School (“I’m not ghetto, I’m just passionate.” & “I’m not quitting Charm School, I’m dropping out.”<---sounds the same to me) and Blog Talk Radio with the Sapphire Blue ladies.

It reminded me that I love to laugh.

V to the Log

Moonie's Ramblings...in the dark edition

Impromptu lil Shopping Spree

I spent almost $100 today! Yikes! I didn't meant to...

I wanted to go to Borders to get the new L.J. Smith book that I talked about the other nights, and the new Real Vampires series book because I still haven't bought it. (Last time I went to Waldenbooks they didn't have it).

So the plan was, 2 books, in and out, the end. Well on the way there, I remembered that I still hadn't bought Dead If I Do by Tate Hallaway and the new Victoria Laurie book from one of her series (that I looove). So it turned into 4 books...but then while I was looking for Real Vampires Don't Diet I saw Angie Fox's new book. I totally spaced out and forgot that already came out! So I HAD to buy it...right!?

Well I ended up buying all those books except for Real Vampires...the Milford Borders didn't have it...ok so I check their computer and it shows that the Fairfield store has it, so I'm going there next! I spent $50 in the first Borders...

Then my roomie needed to stop at Victoria's Secret for a bra...(DAMN) on the way there we detoured to another store and OMG they had the cutest freaking faeries on crescent moons!!! Figurines in all colors and sizes...I wanted them ALL!!!! Especially this purple one with crescent moons on her outfit and sitting in this cute ball (paper weight maybe?). Ashley and Jeff grabbed me dragged me out of the store! With NOTHING! :'(

So finally we arrive at Vickies. We were there for a while. I remembered that Ashley had a fragrance from them that I really liked so I asked her which one it was so I could buy it for myself. She finds it for me, but on the way there we spot some lip gloss!

Well let me tell you, three different color lip gloss, we both try one out, and OMG it was cute, it felt good, and it tasted freaking AWESOME! (Insert Jeff attacking my mouth in the middle of Vickies to taste the lip gloss....) so we HAD to freaking buy it!!! The most freaking expensive lip gloss I've EVER bought. $15!!!! I've never even bought regular lipstick for that much.

Ok so, I got the gloss and the perfume, we're in line...the roomie spots another perfume and she starts smelling them, and my nosy self sees a cute purple bottle, so I head over there. OMG that freaking purple bottle smelled sooooooooooooooooooo good. It's like freaking PERFECT for me! So I bought it too. :D Purchase came out to $40.

A stop at Best Buy (where I didn't buy anything, but went next door to Target to buy a Hot Dog and an Icee cuz I could smell the Hot Dogs from Best Buy, hehe) We finally get to the Borders in Fairfield...and they don't freaking have the book! Even though their computer says they have it. The lady went and checked everywhere and couldn't find it. When I get my hands on the person who stole it, or shelved it in the wrong place, I'm going to wring their neck(s)! So no book...and THEN I saw a new Rachel Gibson book!!!! I LOVE her, I have almost EVERY book she's written. And that evil roommate of mine dragged me away from the book and didn't let me buy it. :'(

Made it home 10 minutes before Gossip Girl started tonight...whew. What a day.

In honor of my awesomely expensive lip gloss...


lip gloss

Viva!

So guess what I've decided to do?

I've decided to join Lisa on her Vegas trip!

WHAT!?

Yeah, I know. Kooky aint it? I've always wanted to go to Vegas and she invited me, and in an unlikely Jen fashion, I accepted. :P

It'll be mucho fun! I get to see Lisa and hang out with her. I'll get a much needed vacation (haven't had once since I started working at the Laundromat almost 3 years ago), and maybe I'll even get some writing done!

No constant interruptions! No clingy rommie, no attention seeking whore of a cat. Whoo hoo!

I think I'll be V-logging everyday while I'm there, keep you guys in the loop of our adventures and the crazy shenanigans Lisa will get me into. :P

So now I need mula! Save save save, store my money like squirrels store away nuts.

I need money for the airplane tickets, no biggie I'll probably purchase them next week or the week after that (which reminds me, I gotta ask Lisa the specific dates and stuff...) I also need money to spend. Food, slots (hehe), whatever else strikes my fancy...I can be quite fanciful at times. Oh and I need to buy some clothes before I go there.

Which reminds me: I should probably attempt to lose some weight, shouldn't I? Well if I must...LOL! My ass will never go to the gym (again), I'm too self-conscious. Why is it that the gym is always full of skinny people? You're already skinny, why are you still running on that treadmill like Freddy Krueger is chasing you? You never see an unfit person. When I used to go I was always the only non-skinny individual. It was freaking embarrassing and nerve wracking. I thought that if I went with someone that I'd feel better...I probably shouldn't have gone with my old roommate, with her trail mix eating skinny self!

But anyway...I'm rambling...

Point is I'm not going to the gym. I'll pull out my DDR mat and play on work out mode. LOL. I'm serious about that!

Btw...DDR is Dance Dance Revolution for the non-gamers out there.

So I "gots" alot to do before August. But Im' determined! I wont even think about the fact that Nevada is all deserty and I'm sure there are lizards scurrying about. (I have a lizard phobia) But I wont think about it!!!

Maybe I should put a Vegas sign on my wall to keep me motivated...

This Night Just Keeps Getting Better

I know I said I was going to bed like almost an hour ago but I have to blog about this.

I don't even think I can go to sleep tonight! I'm too hyped up.

This has been one of the best nights of my life...and I guess some of you will think it's sad when you read WHY it's been such an awesome night. But you know what...I don't give a fuck! :D

I have friends out there that will get me and those are the ones I'm talking to in this blog.

Let's recap my awesome points of the night:

I watched one of the funniest, saddest, best episodes of Bones.

I saw and am anticipating the season finale of Bones (Bones and Booth NAKED in bed together...doesn't get better than that)

My friend Dylan came over. YAY, I love her.

I get to see her perform Saturday.

I read and reviewed (http://bookverse.blogspot.com) an amazing book called Remembering Ashby by Heather Long.

*Drum roll*

The following events lead to the pinnacle of the night.

Because Lisa Pietsch introduced me to Heather Long and her book, I befriended Heather on myspace...

And you would not believe who one of her top friends is!

LISA JANE SMITH!!! OMG!!!

L.J. Smith is the person responsible for my book addiction. The reason why I read and review books! I used to read in class and participated in Battle of the Books, and even read ahead in reading class...but I never thought to read outside of school...

Until The Forbidden Game Trilogy by L.J. Smith.

The summer after 7th grade...me and my two best friends at the time, the Anna twins, were at my house bored out of our minds! Well it so happens that Anna Maria had a book she just took out of the library and so we decided, what the heck! Let's read it out loud to eachother, its something to do.

I went first...I was only supposed to read the first chapter but they liked the way I read and I was digging the book so I just kept doing...

An hour later I was halfway done with the book and hadn't even noticed I had read for so long. I begged Anna M. to let me borrow the book overnight. And the rest, is history.

After I read the first part of The Forbidden Game I went to the library and got the other two. Then I moved on to The Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle, and Dark Visions. From that moment on I've been reading, I've never stopped. And it's all because of her.

Then she kinda just fell off the face of the earth, no one knew anything from her since like 1998. I even remember once a while back googling her and not coming up with anything. And TONIGHT I stumbled across her and I was shocked and amazed...

And then I went to her site. And you will not believe what I just found!!!

The Vampire Diaries: The Return!!!

OH MY GOD! NEW STUFF! NEW OLD STUFF!!! WHAT CAN BE BETTER THAN THAT!?!?

So I am beyond giddy! I can't sleep, I don't know what to do with myself. I am so excited! I wish there was a 24hour Borders around so I could go buy the book! And I'm so thankful that I'm the book geek I am and that a few years back I saw The Vampire Diaries at Borders and bought them. So I have the 4 books. So I can re-read them (because it's been years since I've re-read any of her stuff) and then read the NEW one!!!!

And that's why I'm on top of the world right now.

Bones Talk!!!

Stewie from Family Guy was in Bones tonight and it was as funny as I thought it was going to be! Hilarious watching David Boreanaz argue with the lil cartoon baby.

The whole baby talk was hilariously giddy! I loved the beginning when Booth and Brennan are in Sweets' office and are playing the word association game. Everytime Booth said "Whoa" she said "Horse"!!!

I love the ending, I cried like the last 5-10 minutes. And omg, Booth looked so cute, vulnerable, and so sad in his hospital gown. I just wanted to hold him against my bosom and comfort him! (God I love David Boreanaz...)

I laughed! I cried! Boyyyy did I cry!!!

I can't believe the season finale is next week and boyyyyy what a finale it's going to be!!! So many things going on...

Everyone is a murder suspect. Zack comes back for the episode (yay) and is also a suspect. And Booth and Brennan are in bed NAKED!!!!!!!

THEY'RE GONNA DOOOOOOOOOO IT!!!!!

OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I WISH THE WEEKEND WAS ALREADY OVER...I NEED IT TO BE THURSDAY ALREADY!!!

Even though I don't know what I'll do while Bones is off the air...guess watch the DVDs and watch this season on the Fox site.

OH MY GOD TONIGHT'S EPISODE BETTER BE UP SOON BECAUSE I WANNA WATCH IT AGAIN!!!

This is worse than when I saw the Christmas episode where they kissed under the mistletoe.

V-Log on Monday...

Don't mind my appearance, I know I look horrible.

Here's the link I mention for Lisa's blog entry.

All the noise in the background is the cat's doing...and it's the reason why I keep looking around the kitchen..HAHA. Swear I'm not on drugs!!!


Moonie's Rambling Musings...LOL

Last Nights Dream

I was at a get together of some sort, hosted by the mafia. In a crowded room I locked eyes with a stranger. It was love at first sight. He had the kindest eyes, the way he looked into my own eyes gave me a warm feeling in my heart. I wanted to approach him, to talk to him, but the head of the mafia chose that moment to come up to me. He told me the get together was in my honor, that he wanted me to work for him.

I of course said no, I’m a good person, I would never work for the mafia. He obviously didn’t like that answer.

SCENE CHANGE:

I’m in the dark. Underground somewhere, and I can’t see anything. I’m digging through rocks and cardboard and junk, trying to get to my guy, who turns out to be an undercover cop whose cover had been blown. The head of the mafia buried him alive to teach both of us a lesson, and I was trying to dig him up. But it was hard, because I couldn’t see anything, and I didn’t know exactly where it was that he was buried. He knew I was there trying to save him, he kept talking to me, trying to reassure me that it was ok, not to feel guilty when I didn’t find him. He knew he was going to die. I refused to give up, even though time was running out and he was running out of oxygen. He then says to me, “It’s a good thing I like you as much as I do. Knowing your voice is the last I’m going to hear makes it alright.” Then he stops talking. I keep furiously digging through debris, a voice in my head (that isn’t my own) tells me to stop trying, he’s already dead, I’m too late. But I refuse to stop, I move stuff faster, my hands are beyond numb at this point. I keep going till finally I come across the end of all the junk, and wrapped in wallpaper is the guy. Unconscious, but alive! I scream out, “I found him!” and I hand him over to two guys (where they came from, I do not know) and they tell me he’s alive and they’re taking him to the hospital.

V-Log With Special Guest, Selene.

Dumb Little Lady From Yesterday

Sheeee's baaaack!

If you watched my Vlog yesterday you may remember me mentioning a certain costumer and her tirade because someone stole her blanket. She said she was never coming back. Well guess who walked in this morning?

She wanted to know if she left any clothes in the machines when she left.

WTF!? Really? What a MORON.

Of course things escalated because she decided to call my co-worker arrogant out of the blue. We told her not to come back...EVER. She said she wasn't. Then she called us bitches...

Ok. I live in Bridgeport, and I can be ghetto. That did not fly with me or my co-worker. Thus the great shouting match began. A lil note: Puerto Ricans are louder than Dominicans. We "bitch" right back at her, my co-worker followed her out the store (she was still calling us bitches) and kept yelling back at her.

The funniest thing was, that we kept laughing at her, and she just kept getting angrier. HAHA.

We're bad.

Moonie's Madness...err....Moonie's Ramblings

I went over 10 minutes...it's more like 15. And boy what a mess it was! My voice was out of sync and I tried my best to fix it...I'm a techtard what can I say? But finally my Vlog is up after like 5 hours. LOL. ENJOY!

Whoo!!!

Hello my wonderful awesome readers! It is an awesome day, full of interesting moments for yours truly.

I had a breakthrough in my paranormal today! My characters didn't actually talk to me, it was more of random pieces of the puzzle beginning to form a picture. It was so random too! My laptop was still packed up, I was listening to my MP3 and Stay by Shakespeare's Sister came on. Now this song happens to be a very powerful song for this story, it's the song that I was listening to when the whole idea for this story formulated in my brain. I hadn't heard it since I stopped working on this story, and when it came on today it was like BAM!

Have you ever watched Charmed, when Phoebe gets a premonition....it was like THAT. I couldn't get my laptop out fast enough!!!

I get now why Jenny was so special, why she was the chosen one. It comes completely out of left field, never in a millions years did I think that was the reason. But I like where it's going. I also have a new twist on my villain and why they were drawn to Jenny in the first place.

Lisa Pietsch wrote a very insightful and spot-on blog today, and it was an awesome day to write it because it relates to the new twist in my story. Jenny and the villain are connected...I can't tell you, of course, how. But know that it's good and that it has to do with the past...a past life perhaps? I'll let you mull it over. Of course, this means I have to go back and add some stuff, but no worries. I figured I'd have to go back and flush anyways.

I don't know if I've told you guys, but some of the characters in this story are real. None of the paranormal stuff happened, but a lot of the feelings, and the relationships some of my characters have with eachother are real. And I realized today that the reason why I chose a certain person to be the main focus of my story and why she has had such a strong influence and pull over me and the person that I have become is because from the moment I first saw her, my soul reached out and greeted a long lost friend. GO READ LISA'S BLOG THIS WILL MAKE MORE SENSE!

The randomly weird thing is, now that all this stuff is coming together the feel of my story is changing slightly. I thought it was a single title...but there's so many things that I can do with Jenny once I "finish" that maybe....I don't know....we'll see. Anyway, I have a new playlist for this story and an opened document waiting for me so it's time I get back to work.

Video Blog 1

Confession

The late night brings upon forbidden thoughts
I cannot hide them in the moonlight
You were once my everything
I was once your angel
You praised my existence
And I always imagined myself with you
Forever.

The late night brings upon lost memories:
Your soft skin
Your sweet lips
Your brown eyes as they lost themselves in mine.

My heart aches for you tonight as I lay in the dark
Wishing I could turn the clocks back to a time where everything seemed harder
Because that's where I met you...
and lost you.

The late night brings upon a heart that aches,
My heart,
As I read old love notes long forgotten.

Under the light of the silver moon
I acknowledge to myself,
"Loosing you might have been the biggest regret of my life."

Is That Supposed To Be A Pick-Up Line?

I'm so tired of men coming into the store and telling me I 'have a nice shape'!

There's something about that phrase that irritates the fuck out of me.

We all know I'm insecure about my body, that I have no self-esteem to speak of. But I can deal with someone telling me I'm pretty, or beautiful, or that I look nice. Heck, I can even deal with (barely) them saying I look 'good'. But, I 'have a nice shape'? It makes me feel like they're saying I'm round and they like that I'm round.

Last time I checked, I wasn't a circle. Or a triangle. I thought I was a person.

Just saying.

Spot-on Fortuen Cookies

I just ate my fortune cookie, this is what my fortune said:

"Four basic premises of writing: clarity, brevity, simplicity, and humanity."

WEIRD!!!

Victorian Masquerade Ball

My main character, Emma, is going to a Victorian masquerade ball. It took me about an hour to figure out what dress she was going to wear. I had initially thought it was going to be purple, but after googling gowns for a while I found this:

The perfect gown for Emma. Then it was time to search for a mask:

Perfect.

Jan's gown (Emma's friend who's the one exposing her to the world of themed sex parties) was very easy to imagine, and I found an identical picture on google to go with my mental image:

Role-Playing

Ok, so I don't know if it's because I'm a dirty minded individual, or because I'm trying to write steamy sex scenes, or because I'm older and not as ashamed of what I like sexually...whatever the case may be, I've been thinking a lot about role-playing lately.

I love sex. I love to have it, to talk about, to read about it, to write about it. I love it. But I'm terribly shy. Outside of the bedroom, I'm very outspoken and if I want something I let it be known and then go get it. But in the bedroom, I clam up. I'm usually in the bottom ( I need to be on top more often because apparently a certain somebody really likes it lol) and I rarely say what it is I want. That's a problem for me, because I like being on all fours, I like getting spanked, I like having my hair pulled, I like rough sex and my partner isn't going to magically read my mind. I gotta tell him!

I love being submissive in bed and having all these things done to me, but sometimes I want to be in charge, and I can't bring myself to do it. As I've mentioned before, I'm working on a romantic erotic novel and I'm using my fantasies for material. So all the things that I've been really embarrassed to think about, let alone talk about, have been in the forefront of my mind.

I really wanna role-play! I want to be a sexy teacher and dress up, and punish my student and give him detention, Moonie style. (God how sick am I!?)

I want to use restraints and whipped cream and ice cream and ice.

I want more biting.

I want to loose myself completely to the act and not worry about me being too loud and my neighbors hearing me.

I want to put on La Tortura by Shakira or any trashy Britney Spears song and do a lil show and strip for my man. (Well I don't really have a man, but you know what I mean).

I just want to stop being so shy about it. I don't just want to take it anymore, I want to give it!

....yeah....those are my thoughts for today....

Fighting With Characters

If you have been looking at my progress meters, you have noticed that my Erotic Romance meter has been slowly rising. That's good, I guess. But it's also a little bit frustrating, and this is why: I have my paranormal romance that is just sitting there. I'm a bit over halfway done with it and I really want to finish it. But those characters stopped talking to me! It happened just about the time that the characters for the Erotica showed up. I've tried to conjure them up, call them, yell at them...something, but they aren't cooperating. It's frustrating, I want to finish it, but I don't know how it's gonna end! HAHA

Duncan, Jenny, Stephanie...if you can hear me...PLEASE COME BACK. I'll even settle for Meldorf or Samael. Just somebody come back and tell me what happens next!

Death By Dream

Earlier this afternoon I took a nap. I had a really strange dream: It was Sailor Moon related. I was one of the Sailor Scouts, it kept switching between Sailor Mars and Sailor Mercury. Anyway, we were being attacked by sprites. We would try to run away from them, but they kept fluttering by our legs and for some reason no matter how fast we ran, they managed to latch on. When they did that, I would get shocked, bad, and it would hurt a lot. We tried to use our powers against them, but we were outnumbered and Serena (Sailor Moon) was passed out on the floor.

This was the first time that I had EVER felt physical pain in a dream. I've never felt anything physical, it was always emotional. Even when I've had sexual dreams, my mind acknowledges that it's something good, and inside it feels good, but physically I wouldn't feel anything.

I've never believed that if you die in a dream you die in real life, but now that I had this dream...I'm not so sure anymore. I felt pain, and it was a lot of pain. What if I have a dream where I get shot, will I feel it as much as the real thing? Could I die in a dream and never wake up? I've had hundreds of dreams where I've died, but I always wake up right before it actually happens...what if one night I go all the way...and I die?

Small Progress

Yes I know, I’ve been a very bad blogger. And I do apologize. I’m trying the best I can but it’s a lil bit hard when you’re super depressed.

This week, however, I’m not as depressed. YAY. I caved, I’ll admit it. I called Darnell Wednesday night after 3 months. I don’t know why, maybe because I’m weak! Whatever the reason, there was a lot of talking (on his part), a lot of apologizing (also on his part) and a lot of crying (on my part, of course). I told him I didn’t know if I could be his friend because I love him so much, and it’s going to be hard having someone I love in front of me all the time and know I can’t have him.

Then Friday-because I’m weak, I tell ya!-I got roped into seeing his new apartment Saturday. I was very impressed. It’s in West Haven and it’s like a loft, sorta. The building used to be a school and they converted the classrooms into apartments. It’s awesome, I wish I lived in one of those apartments, they’re so me. Different. We spent Saturday afternoon together, then he dropped me off at my place early evening, only to end up going back to his place and spending the night. No, there was no hanky panky, I was a good girl! Well…there was kissing though…and I wasn’t SO good the next day…but I was a good girl that night! :P We talked some more, I did more talking this time. I also did more crying, but what can I say I’m an emotional being and my heart is broken, I get to cry. At the end of it all…I still don’t know where I am, and if I can be his friend without the hugging and kissing and other stuff. But at least my heart is better, for now.

This weekend I get to hang out with my guys! YAY! Who are my guys, you ask? Well, they’re CJ (a.k.a “my hubby”) and Rick (a.k.a Rick, lol or Sexy Rick when I want to embarrass him.) I met them online during NaNoWriMo. CJ is the ML for my county and Rick was a first year participant like me. We really hit it off, and we talk almost everyday online. We only got to meet up once during NaNo, and we’ve been trying to get together again. Finally, this Saturday is the day. :D I’m very excited, we shall do all kinds of crazy shenanigans.

Today I wrote a lil bit (besides this blog entry). So double YAYS. It’s a lil frustrating sometimes for me to write so slow. I wish I could write faster, but I haven’t been able to. I don’t know if it’s because it’s hard to write about love when you’re heart is broken or what. But hopefully I can get a lil bit more writing done now that I’m not constantly in my dark place. Cross your fingers please! So it’s small progress, but it’s still progress. I made it to 29,000. You know what that means: 1,000 more words and I’ll be at 30,000. WOW. No matter how much I bitch moan and complain, I’m still proud of my progress (though slow as it may be) because I’ve never written a story this long. I just need to keep my focus, and try not to obsess over it.

I have so much more to say, but this post is long enough. :D How was your weekend? Anything you wanna share? I’m here to listen.

Over already???

Where did the weekend go? Man I swear yesterday was Friday. I wanted to do some writing, more than 500 words, but that didn't happen. Yesterday after my scare (read the post before this one if you don't know what I'm talking about) my brain had turned to mush and I ended up not writing anything. Heck, I didn't even Sim this weekend! What the heck did I do!?

Oh well, that's the life of the working man...err...woman.

I would also like to apologize for my absence. I've been somewhat reclusive these last couple of weeks, thanks to the Darnell drama that ensued. Of course by the end of this last week I was feeling better (meaning I was able to suppress the pain to continue my life of numbing heartache--melodramatic, I know.) Then Thursday night when I was in bed my cell rang. I picked it up not bothering to see who it was, and who do you THINK it was? Of course, it was Darnell. He called to invite me to a "small party" he's throwing this upcoming weekend. Why does he torment me so!!!? I of course declined, but he did his damage. I spent the night crying my eyes out and spent most of my work day doing the same. Thankfully none of my costumers commented on the puffy eyes...or the tears running down my cheeks. But I'm "better" now.

Can't wait for Gossip Girl tomorrow, finally! And OMG did you guys see last week's episode of Bones!? SUPER AWESOME. And my baby, David Boreanaz directed it. BRAVO!!! And congrats on the baby news. I hope it's a girl this time. :)

Ok, that's it for tonight. Until next time, which will hopefully be tomorrow, hehe.

A Very Horrible Experience

It was a weird feeling. An emotion unlike I had ever experienced. My breathing ceased, my lungs did not care. My heart felt as though it stopped beating. Time stood still. I could not move, I dared not. Because if I did then what just happened really did happen, and it wasn't my imagination playing tricks on me, coming up with the worst possible thing it could think of.

Finally I began to move, slowly. I forced my lungs to take in some air as I needed to breath to be able to think. My limbs felt heavy, panic had gripped them. I forced them to move. I forced my panic back a bit, anything to think of a logical explanation. Anything to fix this problem...

I realized then that I had been mistaken. It was all a big, horrible mistake. THANK GOODNESS!!! My limbs slacked, they felt like jelly. I was super relieved.

What happened, exactly? Well I popped my flash drive into the laptop, tried to open my NaNo story and I couldn't find it! Not only that, I couldn't find the additional chapters I had saved there as well. Or the brainstorming for other stories. Everything was gone...or so I thought. Turns out I was looking at my MP3 player's folder (which is also plugged into my laptop). Of course there isn't going to be anything saved under doc. But I learned a very important thing out of this incident. How important, and how special my work is to me. I hadn't realized how much it meant to me until now. When I thought about the 25,000+ words that I had thought lost...I wanted to cry, just weep. I felt so useless, and indescribable really. There isn't a single word to describe how horrible I felt.

Answer Me This

I grip the pen,
Not knowing where to start.
Looking for a way to tear myself apart.
I need to bleed
Bleed you out of my heart
I need to bleed
Till I find myself miles apart

I can't go on like this!

This is not by any means a suicide note
I'm just trying to find a way to cope
A way to open myself up
A way to tear you out of my soul
Because if people think I like where I'm at
I have to speak up
And tell them 'I'm not'.

Would you want to be?
Where I'm at that is.
With a pressure headache,
With a constant lump in the back of your throat?
My eyes sting behind their lids
Begging for me to let them cry their release.

Do you want to be where I'm at?

A better question would be:
Have you ever been where I'm at?
Because you've questioned my feelings
You've questioned my emotions
You've called me unpredictable
Unlogical
Undefinable

Well isn't love unpredictable?
Have you ever found the logic behind such an emotion?
Can you define loving someone in a manner that is satisfactory to one and all?

Because if you can,
Then what you feel is not love.

Real love knows none of those things
It just is.

Why do you love your mother?
Your cousin?
Your best friend?
Your pet?

Why do I love you?
Even after all the lies?
The betrayal?
The pain you've caused?

And yet you mock me.
Mock my feelings
And hurt me so deep that I can't reach the pain to sooth it away.

Why should I do you any favors?
What have you done for me to help me alleviate the pain?

Procrastination Station

I decided last night that today was going to be a writing day. I think we all know that I didn't do it. All day I kept saying, "I gotta get to writing" and I never did. It's now my bedtime and I didn't write a single sentence. I am the queen of procrastination, I have done it all my life, especially on my writing. If there was an essay due in school, I waited until the last possible minute to do it. For some reason I wrote better under pressure. Even my AP English final senior year of high school; it had to be at least 60 pages worth of poems and interpretations and pictures and all this other stuff, and what did I do? I took the first week it was given to us to do my research, then the day before it was due I started working on it. The next morning (it was my luck that I had that class first period) I still wasn't done. Thankfully I was very good friends with the astronomy teacher (I took her class the year before) and I went to her first period class and sat at her desk in the back and spent the next 3 periods finishing the project. Then she wrote me a pass to excuse me from the classes I missed. I handed my project "on time" and then the next class when we had to do our second part of the final (give a 5 minute oral presentation) I winged it. Thank bob for all the improve classes I took at RCA.

Anyway, I'm running off at the mouth, hehe. What I wanted to say was that today I did everything I could come up with except write. I played with my Sims and created new ones, I played my Alice game, Mahjong, played all the games I have on my DS, played with the Wii, read, surfed the net, and I karaoked. Yes, I even freaking karaoked on myspace because I apparently much rather make a fool of myself than write. LOL! I never karaoke on myspace, unless I've been drinking that is, lol, but I wasn't drinking today.

Why is it that we all do almost anything to get out of writing when we love it so much? I wonder.

Dreams

I don't know what happened today, but every time I woke up it was from a really cool, romance novel type dream! Two in particular stuck out to me. I wrote the first one on my dream journal and the second one I didn't because it was about a high school student that falls for her art teacher. It would be fun to write I guess, but it's a lil inappropriate. But the first one, WOWEE!

It's been a while since I wrote in my dream journal. The last entry was back in 07. I remember a time when I had one or two dreams a night and I would write them down in the mornings. I don't know what happened. I know I dream every night, but by the time I wake up the only thing that remains is the feelings behind the dream and nothing more. I hope I don't lose my dreams forever, I love them. They're so random! I even love the scary dreams. :D My dreams are the best thing I come up with, my creativity has no boundaries in that realm and I amaze myself at how detailed they are and how wondrous. I plan to make all of my dream entries into full-fledged stories one day.

No Blogging Tonight!

Oops, sorry. I was watching I Love Money 2 (I know, it's reality crap, but it's mucho entertaining) and I forgot to think about what to blog about tonight. Unfortunately it's my bedtime so I don't have the time to think. So here's some random stuff....

1. I did a lil bit of writing today. YAY. I'm now at 28,228 words on my main WIP. I'm a lil sad cuz I thought it would be more than that. But I'm still writing and I haven't quit, so that's good enough for me!

2. You guys should go over to the Romance Magicians' blog and do the challenge. It was fun! And I want to know what fun stuff people come up with.

3. Aaaand finally, here's one of my fav. YouTube videos. Enjoy.

My Horrible Kinky Ways

Are you afraid? Maybe you should be. :P If you don't know, I'm a very sexual person. I love sex, love to have it and love to talk about it. I've been called a freak, and honestly, I didn't think I was, I thought I was pretty mundane. But too many people too many times have used the word to describe me, so I guess I am a freak. Time to embrace it, I say.

Tonight I'm going to share a little bit of embarrassing info about myself. (This is what happens when I don't know what to blog about). I have an affinity to cat hair. Not just any cat hair, but the fluffy kind, like Selene's. I find myself constantly rubbing my face against my cat, don't worry though I am definitely not into bestiality. But I do love the feel of cat hair, especially Selene's. I don't know if it's because she bathes often or because I always pet her, but her hair is exceptionally smooth and soft. It wasn't like that when I first adopted her 9 months ago.

Selene, like her mother, is a little freak. For some reason she likes to be in bed when I'm trying be intimate with someone. I have pushed her, kicked her off the bed, and she just jumps back. (Thank goodness I have a queen sized bed). Usually, she just lays a few inches away from me, but there are a few random times where the little heathen likes to climb behind my head and lay on top of my forehead. During one of those instances, when I tried to push her off my head, I got as far as pushing her to her usual spot next to me. Things got really hot and intense and I kind of forgot about the heathen. Halfway through, my partner stops and looks at me. I ask him what was wrong and he says, "Do you know you've been petting the cat this whole time? It's kinda weird."

OMG! I had! I had been petting Selene while I was having sex because she was so soft and I love the feel of her! How sick is that!? I know, I'm one twisted child. Does anybody want to make me feel better? You can tell me it's not THAT weird (but only if you mean it, don't lie), or tell me something weird you do. It doesn't have to be sex-related.

End of Ze World

Before I start, I want to say that I don’t know exactly what the segment was about, I only saw about 30 seconds worth. That being said, last night there was something on the news about some lights in the sky, I think in New York. They were saying that no one seemed to know what the lights were and that airplane passengers were a little afraid. They then showed a picture of the sky with two sets of lights next to eachother, each set had 3 separate orange-y lights and they looked to be forming a triangle. I left the room after that, I had enough information to mess around with my roommate ( :D ). I ran to the kitchen where she was and told her, “Ashley, you ready for this? There’s UFOs in our area! It’s freaking Independence Day, call Will Smith! Hell, have him on speed dial, he knows about this shit. Independence Day, Men in Black (1 AND 2), I Robot, I am Legend.”

We had a nice laugh fest. Then we decided to throw off the aliens by calling in Tom Cruise (War of the Worlds) and if there were crop circles involved we could call Mel Gibson. But then we figured he’d either offend them and make things worse and if he didn’t, well he didn’t really do anything in Signs ‘cept piss the aliens by chopping some extraterrestrial’s finger off. So we calling Joaquin Phoenix! Though I don’t know how much good he’ll be to us now that he retired from acting, became a rapper, and is bugging out on the late show.

All this talking about UFOs and aliens had me thinking about life outside of earth. A part of me, the part who likes astronomy and has taken classes, is educated enough to say that there has to be life outside of our planet. It’s an egotistical thing to think that out of billions of billions of billions of solar systems, stars, and planets, that earth is the only place with life. But do I believe in intelligent life being out there? I’m not too sure, you would think we would have found something by now. With so many satellites up there, we would have spotted something. Then there’s the other part of me. The part that believes in love at first sight, and ghosts and vampires, and the Loch Ness monster, and the Chupacabra. Why can’t there be aliens? Because we haven’t seen them? Well how do we know we haven’t? Why can’t they be smarter than us, and more advanced? They can be disguised as humans, or have invisible UFOs. We don’t know.

So that’s my opinion, obviously I’m indecisive. How about you guys? What do you believe?

Here’s one of my favorite videos of all time. I figured I’d post it because when we think of aliens we think of destruction, of the end of the world. But there are other ways for the world to end. ;-)

Writing Update

Small, but an update is still and update.

I gave in earlier this week to the new voices in my head and started a new story. I've only written about 2000 words, but that's better than nothing. I'll hold off on details. I also worked on my main WIP today. Again, not a lot, about 500 words, but at least I started Chapter 13. :) Now if only I can write those missing chapters that lead up to the 3 chapters that I already wrote. :P

1 migrane and a couple of headaches

That's why I haven't blogged. I swear it's not an excuse! LOL I could barely read much less write. Today is the first time that I've been able to be on the computer for more than 10 minutes, and I'm going to cheat. Instead of writing a blog (though some would consider THIS a blog) I'm just gonna tell you to go to my OTHER blog and read the new book review I just put up. :D So gooooo to Book Universe. You know you want to.

Not very motivated to blog

Howdy ya'll. I wasn't going to blog today because I ended up working longer than expected and then I was at a co-worker's house trying to fix her daughter's computer. I'm tired. And I'm heartbroken tonight.

Sadly, I get this a lot. There's someone out there that I care about and have feelings for, and we're not together. Actually we're not even friends anymore, sorta. I'm not going to get into this looooong drama, because besides being long, it's all confusing. At this point I don't even know who's to blame, though it's probably both our faults. But I decided I needed to get him out of my life because he wasn't healthy for me, emotionally. It's been 2 months since my decision, and it's hard. It's even harder now that last week he left me a message on my phone that he needed to see me. It sounded urgent so I let him come over. Big mistake! He stopped by to see how I was doing and to give me a gift.

As if it wasn't hard enough to be away from him. Every song I hear, I think of him, and every night I break down and cry because my bed feels so empty without him in it. I miss talking to him before bed, or calling him at 2 a.m. because I had a nightmare and him driving to my house. I miss playing video games with him, or just hanging out. I miss us laughing together, I miss his laugh. I miss the way he looks at me and the way he says my name. I just miss him.

A Question For Writers

I decided to seriously pursue a writing career recently. Like a year ago, maybe less. It’s safe to say that I have no idea what the heck I’m doing or what the heck I got myself into. But we’ll see how this all turns out. Anyway, the reason why I’m sharing this information is because I wanted to talk a little bit about my writing process.

When I was in elementary school I wrote poems and essays. It wasn’t until middle school that I began to write stories. I don’t know what exactly prompted me to do so, except that one day I was at the library and a “voice” in my head began to whisper. Next thing I knew, I had been on the computer for about an hour and had a few pages typed up (albeit the font was big, but whatever, it was still an accomplishment). Till We Meet Again was half Sailor Moon fan fiction and half original story, I worked on it for about 2 years on and off. I never finished it though. That became my routine. I would get excited about a new idea and start working on it, write pages and pages of stuff, and then doubt would creep in. Who’s gonna want to read my story? I can’t write. Hell, English isn’t even my first language, how can I possibly think that I can succeed? With tears in my eyes and a defeatist attitude, I would tear up and delete my work, never to be seen. Time and time again, story after story, they all suffered the same fate.

I eventually began writing and finishing short stories, but the doubt would once again creep in and I would dispose of my stories. To this day, I have kept only one of the stories that I’ve written. Everything else is long gone. I know this is HORRIBLE, you don’t need to tell me, but I’m sure someone will anyways, and I’ll have to agree with you. Now, for the first time ever, I’m working on a story that’s longer than 10k and I’m apprehensive. I’m somewhere around 27k at the moment which is the most I’ve ever written on a story. Last night though, I may have encountered a problem. I was trying to figure out where my characters were supposed to go when a new set of characters began to whisper in my head. At first I thought they were connected to the story I’m working on, so I let them in. Boy was I wrong! Now they refuse to shut the hell up. I couldn’t concentrate on my WIP, so I had no choice but to give the voices a place to rest. Now I’m working on this story because the voices aren’t shutting up, and now I’m afraid that if I start working on this I’ll never finish the other one.

I’ve heard of writers who work on multiple stories with no problem. Others only work on one because they say that if they start a new one they’ll never got back and finish the first. I’m afraid that’s going to happen to me. All those hours of hard work and my story will just lay there, unfinished. I already had to walk away from it for a while because I felt that old doubt creeping back in and I was afraid that I was going to delete it. I really do want to finish it. But I can’t work on anything when I have these other people in my head, giving me a headache.

So what the heck should I do? Has anyone been in this predicament before? I need suggestions, or stories, or…I don’t know…something.

My Life...Or Lack Thereof...Maybe

Did that title make sense…yeah well welcome to my life. I may not always make sense.

I decided today to talk about me personally, because the majority who read this don’t know me in person. I will tell you a little bit about my life and what I do, or don’t do, and what I figured out recently.

For those who don’t know, my name is Jennifer, I am 23 years-old and I’m Puerto Rican. I’ve been living in Connecticut (Bridgeport to be exact) for about 16 years now. I graduated from Bassick High School in 2004 and went to Teikyo Post University from 2004-2005. I won’t get into why I didn’t finish school, I can always talk about that on another post if anyone is interested. Anyway, right now I share an apartment with my friend Ashley, though I pay most of the rent and all the bills myself. She was having problems with her living arrangement and I offered her a place to stay for only $300 a month because that’s what she was paying in her old place and that’s all she can afford. I don’t mind because I had a spare bedroom and an extra $300 in my pocket is better than no money at all. I work full-time at a laundry mat and convenience store simultaneously (Cuz I’m wonder woman, lol, joking. They’re attached). That’s about it, lol. I work Mon-Fri 7 a.m.-3 p.m. and I always go home right after work and lock myself in my house. Doesn’t sound like much of a life, right? Now are you getting the first half of my title?

I pretty much do nothing. I sit at home on the computer almost all afternoon and night, and weekends. Personally, I’m tired of people, like my roommate saying that I don’t do anything, and I’ll explain why. It looks like I don’t do anything, but I actually do. The only difference between me and other people is that I live my life through computer. I just recently figured this out too. I used to bring my laptop to work and do stuff online there and then come home and continue, but I no longer have internet at work (Bad girl that I am, I was stealing wireless from somewhere down yonder and I guess they moved their router because I can’t pick up the signal long enough to do anything). Now I have to wait till I get home to do everything, and I have a lot to do. I’ll break it down some:

1. Check my email: I have 2 hotmail, 1 msn, and 1 yahoo. I have to check all four and I usually have around 20-30 emails in each account. It takes me about an hour to go through them.
2. Check my myspace: I’ve had the thing for almost 4 years and I’m still as addicted as I was the first week I got it. I gotta check my messages, and blog comments, and whatever other comments there is. Plus I read my friend’s blogs and on occasion leave messages. And I gotta feed my pet (my myspace pet, not the real one, though that’s the first thing I do when I walk through the door.) This also takes me about an hour.
3. Blogger: Well now I’m blogging everyday, though I usually write my blog at work (like this one). But I read around 8-10 blogs everyday. That’s another hour.
4. Check the couple of forums that I’m a member of
5. Check out whatever website has been brought to my attention that day
6. Log in to the Fairfield County Writers Chat Room. I usually do this as soon as I get home and just leave the window open and talk while I do everything else.
7. Read. Very important because I love to do it, and now Book Universe (my other blog) is getting more traffic. Gotta write those book reviews. :P
8. By the time I’m done with numbers 1-6, there’s stuff already piling up on my inbox and other places, so I have to start the routine over.
9. Write. I’m an aspiring writer. Which is why all the things I do online are important. I’m not just reading people’s blogs for fun, though it is fun. But I’m also learning about how other authors got where they are today, what steps they took to achieve their goal. And most importantly, I’m networking. Ooooh aaah. Networking is very important because if I have a question, I know I can feel comfortable asking someone that I’ve established a relationship with, and they’ll give me an honest answer, tailored to my needs because they know me and my needs. Plus if I ever do get my book published in any way, I know that as a new author I’m going to have to market myself and sell myself to people, and if people in the writing community already know me, then it’ll be easier to promote my work. See? I’m a smart cookie, I know what I’m doing. Plus everyone I talk to is awesome! I love all my writer friends, they’re funny, and insightful, and most importantly, they get me.

So you see? I actually do a lot. By the time I’m done it’s way past my bedtime and I have to go to sleep and repeat the process in the morning. I know that when I take a break or have some spare time on my hands, I end up staying in my room. I can’t help it if I’m shy, introverted, anti-social, and all my hobbies happen to be in my room. I like to play Sims on my computer, or play Guitar Hero on my Wii, or play with my DS, or read, or write. So I never leave my house, unless forced, and I apologize for that, but this is how my mom raised me. I was the only child in the house, my mother didn’t like kids, and so she bought me video games, Barbies, painting supplies, writing supplies, anything to keep me in my room and out of her way. It isn’t my fault. But don’t act like I don’t do anything because I do. I’m a Capricorn and not only do I take things personal but I’m not afraid to defend myself, and I’ll end up offending somebody. Like, for a person who doesn’t do anything, I sure am working on my dream of becoming an author. What are you guys doing with yourselves? You work and go out and party hardy, but are you really doing anything of value? I didn’t think so. Most of you still live at home with your parents.

Ode to Libraries

I thought I’d take the time today to talk about a place that is near and dear to my heart, libraries. If you know me from the Coffee Time forum you might have read my signature quote, something along the lines of, I have seen the error of my ways with libraries. Borrowing and returning books? What’s that about? That’s like adopting a child and then returning him. And I stand true to that, I have every book that I have purchased since I was 13 years-old. That’s around 500 books. But if it weren’t for my local library I wouldn’t have that many books, or writing this blog.

At first, the library was just a place for me to hang out. It was the only place I was allowed to walk to when I was 10. It didn’t bother me much because I didn’t have any friends outside of school, I have always been shy and introverted. I just needed a place to go because my home wasn’t a good place to be. So every day after school I walked to the library, not to read, but to play on the computer. I always played the same game, it was a typing game, where you had a little town and bombs would fall from the sky with words in them and you had to type the word to blow up the bombs before they hit the town. Anyway, the library was shut down for two weeks for renovations, and when they re-opened the game was gone! I was terribly upset, it was my favorite game. So what to do now? Well, I was at a library, and there were a lot of books, and I did like to read on occasion (I was going through my Goosebumps phase) hmm…maybe I should read a book! And that’s where it all truly began.

I got myself a library card and started borrowing books. First Goosebumps, then books by Christopher Pike, and later L.J Smith. Somewhere along the line, I befriended the librarians. They all knew me by name and we spent hours talking when there weren’t many people around. It became routine, every day I showed up, even Saturdays. I would read or use the computer, looking for Sailor Moon pictures on the web. Diane, my favorite librarian, suggested I read Caroline B. Cooney, and I did. I loved her stuff, it was beautiful and unlike anything I had been reading at the time. The Stranger was the first work of fiction that made me cry. When I was in the 8th grade, around 4 years after I began my library routine, a friend of mine gave me a Harlequin Intrigue, and off I went into the world of adult romance. And wouldn’t you know it, my library had tons of Harlequin. I devoured them. Those books, along with my V.C Andrews and L.J Smiths were the ones that made me realize that the one thing I didn’t like about libraries was that I had to return the books. But for a young girl who didn’t have a job and couldn’t afford to buy books (the way I buy books, which is crazy) then the public library was heaven.

I have so many fond memories, about all the people I met, and all the things I did. I started my first and only book club there, where we read more Caroline B. Cooney books, as requested by Diane, because she knew how much I loved them and the sneaky woman had arranged for Cooney to come to one of our book discussions. Oh what a day! The library was also the place where I got into habit of writing outside of school. I spent hours on Microsoft Word creating short stories and Sailor Moon fan fiction. And on the day of my 8th grade graduation, after I got my diploma my mother asked me, “What do you want to do today?” And I said, “I’m going to the library!” And off I went to show my diploma to Diane, Carmen and Paul, where they were already expecting me and had a surprise party set-up. :D It’s still my favorite graduation party.

Alas, I am rambling. I just wanted to share my memories and explain why libraries are good, why they are necessary. If it weren’t for my library who knows what I would have done with my time. I never would have started writing, or reading different genres of books, I probably would have been stuck in the hell hole that was my home, or worse, been on the streets.

Death of Cupid!

Valentines is less than a week away. I'm sure everyone has their plans set, reservations made, gifts bought, outfits picked out. Well not me. I hate Valentines Day. Why? Because I've never had a valentine. Sad, I know, but true. For someone as romantic as me, it blows to say that no one has ever gave me a gift or bought me flowers or professed their love to me on such a romantic day. But that's the reality of my life.

So while everyone is spending the day with the person they love most in the world, I'll be in my bedroom listening to Tori Amos. Yeah, I'm bitter, but not so bitter than I can't be happy for those celebrating. So I wish everyone a happy valentines day, I hope it goes well and it's a night you'll never forget. I would love to hear what everyone is doing. Or even, what your best valentines day memory is...most memorable even.

So share with me, happy, sad, romantic, weird, or funny moments. :)

Heathen Talk

For those of you who are just getting to know me, I'm going to mention "the heathen" a lot. That's my kitty cat Selene. Trust me when I say she IS a heathen. :P

Anyway, Selene decided today that she wasn't going to let me sleep. The heathen, who slept in the living room last night, decided to wake mommy up at 6:30 because she was hungry. Ok, I can forgive her for that, because that's usually when I feed her on the weekdays, and she's used to it. But then around 10 a.m. she decides to cry in front of my door. I let her in. Not 10 minutes has gone by when Selene cries for me to let her out. Really Miss. Kitty Cat? Ok, I let her out. As soon as I close the door, she's already in front of it crying.

Ok, I get it now. She wants me to get up, she's lonely. Selene starts following me around the house, including the bathroom. She has this pesky little habit of wanting to go potty the same time I do, go figure! Ok, so we all assume the meowing is going to stop now. Nope, we are wrong. She's still crying. I feed her again (though I only feed her twice a day, but it's the weekend and she's not fat so she can have a lil extra sometimes). She eats the food, then starts up again. I open my bedroom window for her so she can crawl outside (I live on the second floor and she likes to hang out on the little roof at the window) after 2 minutes she crawls back inside and begins to meow.

I'm pretty much fed up at this point, I don't know what it is she wants from me. Well, I decide to ignore the heathen and her crying. I get the laptop and log in to my yahoo launchcast and turn the volume up on my music. About 10 minutes into my music session, they play a Tori Amos song (I love her), and I can't help but sing along. Wouldn't you know it, that lil bitch Selene climbs onto the bed and lays next to me, purring up a storm. That's all she wanted. She wanted to hear me sing. HEATHEN! HAHA. I don't know why she likes it so much, but there has been times where she's down yonder in the house and I start singing and she runs into the bedroom and climbs onto of me and positions herself on my shoulder. *Shrugs*

Lesson learned: When Selene is crying, sing to the heathen.

A little bit of writing

I hope I’m not shooting myself in the foot here by saying this, but, I think I need to start working on my discipline a little bit more and write on here daily. *Gasp* I know, I hardly ever blog, and if I do it’s usually about Bones, but I want to prove to the world that I’m serious about becoming an author. So I’ve decided to write on this blog every day. Let’s see how long this lasts, hehe.

Why the sudden determination? I dunno! It’s something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while and I’ve just been too lazy to. And that’s actually the problem. I love to write, and I love to blog, not a day goes by that I say to myself, ‘hmm, I should blog about this.’ And then I don’t. Why? Because I always put it off till later, and when later arrives, I no longer feel like writing.

So this is what I’m going to do: Whenever I get the urge to write/blog, I’m going to do it. No matter where I am, or what I’m doing, I will write. I’m actually writing this entry at work. I have no internet access and I really wanted to do this, and I know that if I wait till I get home that I’m no longer going to be inspired. So from now on, I’ll write at work, or wherever I am. I have plenty of journals to write in so it shouldn’t be that hard.

Now the harder part is figuring out what I’m going to write about everyday, because I doubt that anyone (besides me) is going to be entertained by discussions of Bones or Gossip Girl. :P But that’s ok, I’m up for the challenge. It just strengthens my creative brain muscles. :D

Thankfully, today, I don’t have to come up with something because, well, this is it! Do you like it? HAHA. Hopefully people read this, and enjoy themselves somewhat. And if anybody does read this and has any questions for me or wants me to blog about something specific, ask me. I’ll try my best to accommodate you. All I ask in return is that you bring people here.

Crazy shit that happens to me

Good golly, Molly. My costumers are insane!

This lady came up to me today and asked if I had case quarters, I did, and told her as such. She then hands me a $20.00 bill and I ask her how much of it she wants in quarters. She tells me she wants the whole thing. "Ok, twenty dollars it is." is what I say. I'm about to grab the quarters when she says, "How much did I give you?" I look at the bill in my hands and say "Um, a twenty?" She then says, "Hmm. That's what it looks like to you, doesn't it?" Um, yeah....WEIRDO.

But wait, it gets better!

After I count up the twenty dollars in quarters and put them in a cup for her and hand them over, she says to me, "You're welcome." Ok, I found that strange, I thought maybe she got mixed up. So I look her in the eye and smile. She then walks away, only to stop and turn back around and say, "I said, you're welcome." making sure she enunciated every syllable. I look at her with a sweet, charming, confused look on my face (It's the one I give the cute guys when I have no idea what they're saying but I'm still totally interested. They love it.) and say "Your welcome...?" Weirdo then turns back around and proceeds to walk out of the store and mumbles "The devil and its lies."

WTF!!!? O.M.G! Really?

Just thought I'd share that.

BONES

This is the preview I was OMG-ING about....I'm soooo MAD I gotta wait till Feb. 5th!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOMGOMGOMG

DID YOU SEE TODAY'S DOUBLE BONES!!!? IT WAS AWESOME, BOTH EPISODES WERE. BUT THE PREVIEWS FOR THE NEXT EPISODE STOLE THE NIGHT'S THUNDER!!!!!!

THE GRAVEDIGGER IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND HE'S GO BOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG SEELEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Everyone Please Read

I was over at Gemma Halliday's myspace blog reading her latest blog, and I must say it was terribly sad! You can click on her name to read her blog, but if you're too lazy to do so, I'll just tell you a lil bit about it.

There's this really talented and sweet 16 year old girl and her mother, and they're homeless. They were evicted from their apartment just before Christmas. They're being very brave, and have a positive attitude towards he situation, but they're still in trouble.

Gemma is putting together an auction to help Katy and her mother get back on their feet. So far she's gotten donations of agent critiques, editor pitches, website design, tarot readings, artwork, jewelry, handmade quilts, and tons and tons of autographed books.

If any of you would like to donate something, it would be amazingly appreciated. Gemma has set up a special email address to take donations at: ri.auction@gmail.com

The auction will run January 19-26th and will be hosted on the Romantic Inks website at http://www.romanticinks.com, so please stop by and bid once they're up and running!

I hate the holidays...

Bahumbug! That's what I gotta say!

I was so excited for Christmas to arrive, to give and receive presents, to see my mom, to eat pig's feet, to get a cake, to blow out candles, to hear people I care about sing me Happy Birthday...well not a lot of that happened.

I spent the entire time fighting with my mother, she even had the audacity to send me to my room. Err, excuse me CARMEN, but it's MY damn house, and ain't nobody sending me NOWHERE! I got no cake, no one sang me Happy Birthday, and all this holiday season brought upon was headaches, arguments, and lack of cash.

I took off 2 extra days off from work (that I will not get paid for) just so I can finish Operation Clean House, and greet my mother because she decided (without informing anybody else) that she was coming a whole 12 hours earlier.

Then she completely disregards anything I say, including that she is not allowed to smoke in my house. Well she does it anyways, and I almost get evicted out of my apartment because of it. Do you think she cares? Nope! She doesn't even care that her smoking sent my neighbor's 2 year-old girl to the hospital. But I'm not gonna get into THAT because the whole thing left me so livid, that my step-dad/boss told me to take a shot of Moonshine and go home (3 more hours of work I missed cuz of her).

On top of that, me and Darnell called it quits to our...um...friendship+ and that's got me feeling super blah. The sad thing is, even with us not speaking to eachother, he was still nicer to me than other people (like my MOTHER) and made me a Lemon Meringue Pie, YUM. Which I call my Birthday Pie :/

All in all, this was yet another birthday that was ruined by my mother, and another birthday where I got my heart broken. Why do they always wait till my birthday??? *shrugs* Who knows.

Oh well....Happy 23rd Birthday Jen.

Looky What I found...

So I was working on Operation: Clean House today; I was cleaning my room, not done btw, and as I was cleaning I found the lyrics I wrote a while ago...and as I sat down to read them I thought, hey, that's interesting, I wrote that? LOL. It's been a while since I wrote it. Thought I'd share it here. :P



Rip You Off

At times my head is empty.
At times it buzzes with noise.
I can't pick up a thought,
I can't pick up a reason.
Incapable of pinpointing an emotion,
A reason.
All I get is a name
(I try to throw it back)
Glue on my hands make it impossible to supress.

(Chorus)
Why can't I rip you off?
I need to tear you down.
The voices in my head,
I think they say 'I want you'

I want you
I want you

I need you
I loathe you.

Thursday morning.
I sit in silence.
Wondering, pondering
Obsessing, confessing,
All the things about you that I secretely love.
All the things about you I pretend that I don't.

(Chorus)
Why can't I rip you off?
I need to tear you down.
The voices in my head,
I think they say 'I love you'

I love you
I love you

I need you
I loathe you

(Bridge)
And all the while
You are oblivious
That I want you (so very)
So very much.
And all the while
I am oblivious
That you never have
And you never will...

(Chorus)
Why can't I rip you off?
I need to tear you down
The voices in my head
I think they say 'I care'

(I care...)
I care...
(I care...)
I care...
...But I could be wrong
Like I said before:
At times my head is empty.
At times it buzzes with noise.
I can't pick up a thought,
I can't pick up a reason...

...(Why can't I rip you off?)

One of those days...

It's one of those days, those lonely days where I wish I had a boyfriend soooooo bad! *sighs* I'm sort of having a conversation about it, and this is what I said.

"I need some hand holding and hugs and kisses and snuggles and flowers and just because gifts and I was thinking about you phone calls."

Sorry for the lack of commas and what-nots haha. Oh and my friend said this in response to that...

"What's your number?" HAHA He was joking of course.

It's kinda hard to work on a romance novel when you don't feel love...hehe yeah I know guys I'm wallowing...well...it's my blog so lemme wallow!!!

Operation Tap Out That Mutha

NaNoWrimo is officially over, and I didn't make the 50,000, I only made it up to 24,700 or something like that. Now a big part of me is disappointed because I really wanted to cross the finish line. But another part of me is just proud that I wrote and I stuck with it and that I wrote that many words! I've never written anything this long before...and I'm not finished. Just because I didn't win NaNo doesn't mean I'm quitting, I still have a novel to finish writing, thus Operation Tap Out That Mutha is oooon.

Crystal-Rain Love came up with this concept (along with the hilariously awesome name)because she's trying to finish her current novel, and she asked that we make sure she stays on top of things. Well since I have no life of my own, and I've grown very fond of Rain (she's such a great gal)I've decided to be all up on her Black Cherry Kool-Aid, and join her and trying to accomplish our own set goals. Mine being to finish my novel and read more books so I can review them on my Book Universe Blog.

On a quick upadate...I bought a new laptop yesterday, it should arrive around the 5th. I had so much drama with it because I first found the perfect laptop, a Sony Viao in pink (my fav. color) and it was on sale if I bought it online. It was only going to cost around $1,069. Then it went on Black Friday Sale until Monday, so then it was only going to cost $900.99. So here I am running about trying to get the rest of my money together by Monday to buy the darn thing, and THEN....Someone points out anothe website that's having an online Monday sale and they're selling a $2,000 Sony Viao for only $700.00!!! Now this is where all the crazyness began because the cheaper laptop was a different model than the one I was going to get. It was also black...I REALLY had my heart set on the pink one. Well even though the black one wasn't PINK and the keyboard and outer shell weren't as cute/pretty as the pink one, I bought the black one.

Why? Because it was CHEAPER, and because it had a bigger screen (17 inches vs 14 inches on my pink baby). The lappy I have now is 17 inch and I love the size of the screen. If I'm going to play Sims 2 AND 3 I need a BIG screen. :D So I rushed to do what I needed to do and bought the laptop and a flashdrive too, hehe. I'm still going to use my old laptop, and I'll probably take it to work w/ me so the flashdrive will come in handy when I want to work on a novel or read an e-book and it's only in one laptop. But hey at least I have more money for Christmas shopping!

What a Scoundrel Wants Contest

2 Free books and a robbery

Today was a crazy day, to say the least. First I won 2 contests, both over at Coffeetime (yay free books). Then, less than 30 minutes before I left work, I got held up. The guy took 2 packs of Newports and all the money in the register, which was about $300.00

We got a pretty good view of him on our cameras, and I gave a description to the police, I may or may not be able to recognize him though, because he was wearing a baseball cap that covered his eyes. But if he wears the same coat I def. could! Hehe.

Trust me when I say that just because I "sound" ok and like I may be joking around, I was pretty freaking scared. I've never been robbed before, and I've never been told that they have a gun and are going to use it if I don't give them all the money I've got. At first I didn't even believe him, I thought it was a joke. Once it was established that it wasn't and I gave him the money and he ran out, I was kinda in shock. Then I felt my insides trembling, but my 5 year old nephew was around and the police were there so I didn't have time to break down. Even the police officer that saw the playback of the tape said I handled it very well, I told him, "Wait till I get home, I won't be handling it all."

So after I got home, I thought about drinking, but didn't. Felt like crying, but didn't. I ended up just laying in bed and letting the fear grip me, and then I took a nap. How was everyone else's day?

My NaNo WIP

Just thought I'd do a little procrastination before writing this morning, so I decided to tell you a little about my WIP.

I'm a little surprised at the way it's coming out. It has more sex than I anticipated, and it's kinda sexual in general...not really what I had in mind, but that's what happened. It's also a lot darker than I meant it to be...my heroine--after being possesed by the forces of evil--just ate some hobo's heart.

Yeah I know...EEEEK, but that's what she wanted to do, so I let her. Who knows what's going to happen, I have no clue.


On another note, I'd like to take the time to bitch a lil bit...I'm sick of a certain ex-boyfriend of mine belittling my word count. No matter how much I write, he isn't satisfied. He asked me how much I had written this past weekend, and I told him, close to 5,000. And he says to me, is that all? Are you serious, really? What the hell does he want me to do, write the freaking thing in one day? Then he has the nerve to ask me, well how many weekends have you been writing this? What the hell!? I had to hang up on him because I was going to rip him a new one...who the f**k is HE? He's been doing this since NaNo started and I already freaking told him, if he thinks he could do a better job and write more words than me, and make a cohesive story with a plot, a conflict and a resolution, to go right ahead. And he says, it's not what HE wants to do...what the hell does it matter? Just because I love to write and I want to do it doesn't mean it's any easier for me. At least I'm trying to make my dreams a reality...what the hell is he doing with his life, besides clean bathrooms that is.

Yup I went there, totally bitchy of me, and I sorta apologize, but if he's gonna be mean to me and belittle my efforts, then right back at ya. I'm sick of it being ok for him to be mean, but when I give him a taste of his own medicine then I'm a bitch and it's different because I'm intentionally mean...WHATEVER...I'm sick of it. *sighs* Ok I'm done ranting...

NaNo weekend...TRL

This weekend was hella wordy! I spent the weekend writing and participating in word wars, I'm super tired, super drained. Friday night I had around 13,000 words, tonight I'm almost to 18,000 words. I'm exhausted, but I'm glad I wrote my lil brain off. I wrote a lot of good lines today, it was hard to submit my best line over at Rain's site...so I submitted a paragraph even though she said not to...oops sowwy

Tonight was the finale of TRL (Total Request Live) I haven't seen the show in a few years because it wasn't the same, it was kinda suckish. But I decided to watch it tonight because it was the finale and they were going to reminisce on all the stuff that happened on the show these past 10 years. Lemme tell you, I was watching The Backstreet Boys sing "I Want It That Way" and I got a little teary eyed. It wasn't because it was The Backstreet Boys, I've never really been a "fan" I was an *NSYNC girl all the way. But I remembered when TRL first came one, before it was abbreviated. I remember when Britney first came on and when Christina first came on. I remember the countless NSYNC/Backstreet Boys battles and how they always had the first two spots and one day NSYNC would be number 1 and then Backstreet Boys would take it. I remember calling and voting, I remember when they premiered "Sonny Came Home", when Justin performed as a solo artist...so many things, so many videos. I REMEMBER WHEN THEY ACTUALLY PLAYED THE VIDEOS.

It made me feel old, 10 years had passed, and it made me feel like I was one step closer to adulthood, like one of the last part of my youth just ended. I will never get it back, that's why I got teary eyed. It was a little sad, but I'm glad I watched it, a lot of fond memories were attached to that show.

Day 12 of NaNo...

I'm feeling it today, first day of feeling like quitting. I just haven't felt like writing, and I think I've written 100 words today. I'm getting discouraged, I don't even know where I'm going with the novel anymore *sighs* it's probably because I got my period and my tummy is killing me. I didn't even go to work today because my cramps were so painful this morning.

Maybe things will be better tomorrow...

Romance novels...what they REALLY are

So I was over at Carla Swafford's blog and she posted a very good blog today. It's about romance novels and what they really are. I know a lot of people see them as sex books, or porn for women as a certain friend of mine likes to say, but they're not, and I've been trying to explain it, but couldn't find the right words...well Carla did! Here's the best part...

" Romance is the best part of the books I love to read. The emotions, the way the man and woman become attached to each other. The need to be closer, to connect, even if it is only to hold hands. Or maybe they can't touch, can't be together. The hunger in their eyes, the wary glance, the need to hear a voice or brush shoulders. The gentleness in their tone when they say that special someone's name. The tremor in their fingers when they finally touch for the first time. The way they sacrifice a part of themselves to be together."

...What? ANOTHER one!?

Well I guess I'm on a roll, I won another contest people!

Cept this one, I didn't mean to enter...I mean I DID enter it, but not to ENTER it....hmm...lemme explain that better...

Over at the Coffee forum they were having this event with Red Rose Publishing and one of the authors had a contest, and you had to basically leave a comment on the thread and she would choose one commenter as the winner.

So I left her a comment, but not because I wanted to win, I just really liked the excerpt to her story and I wanted to tell her, and make a joke. Well my innocent post won! How coocky is that???

Fan Fiction Contest

I entered Linda Wisdom's Fan Fiction contest a few weeks ago, and she just announced the winner...AND IT'S ME!

OMG I can't believe it, I'm so stocked, it's just the confidence boost I need to continue with my novel for NaNoWriMo.

I'm just so giddy and I wanted to share my news with people, now I'm going back to writing.

If you want to read it, click here

Sin A Little...And Win!

This is a contest being held by Cynthia Eden, author of the upcoming book, Midnight Sins wich comes out Nov. 25th. I really like her stuff, and I can't wait for this to come out, so I entered her contest, hehe. I had to post that on a blog, so TADA. :)