Answer Me This

I grip the pen,
Not knowing where to start.
Looking for a way to tear myself apart.
I need to bleed
Bleed you out of my heart
I need to bleed
Till I find myself miles apart

I can't go on like this!

This is not by any means a suicide note
I'm just trying to find a way to cope
A way to open myself up
A way to tear you out of my soul
Because if people think I like where I'm at
I have to speak up
And tell them 'I'm not'.

Would you want to be?
Where I'm at that is.
With a pressure headache,
With a constant lump in the back of your throat?
My eyes sting behind their lids
Begging for me to let them cry their release.

Do you want to be where I'm at?

A better question would be:
Have you ever been where I'm at?
Because you've questioned my feelings
You've questioned my emotions
You've called me unpredictable
Unlogical
Undefinable

Well isn't love unpredictable?
Have you ever found the logic behind such an emotion?
Can you define loving someone in a manner that is satisfactory to one and all?

Because if you can,
Then what you feel is not love.

Real love knows none of those things
It just is.

Why do you love your mother?
Your cousin?
Your best friend?
Your pet?

Why do I love you?
Even after all the lies?
The betrayal?
The pain you've caused?

And yet you mock me.
Mock my feelings
And hurt me so deep that I can't reach the pain to sooth it away.

Why should I do you any favors?
What have you done for me to help me alleviate the pain?