Dreams of Friendship?

I've been having bizarre dreams these last two days. They're making me think about certain people.

The first one was with Alyssa. She was mostly Alyssa, but part of her was also my cousin. Her and my aunt go into some argument and Alyssa decided she didn't want to associate herself with my aunt anymore. We ended up in her bedroom and her walls were covered with pictures. Alyssa started to take down all of the pictures she had of my aunt and handed them over to me saying that I should give them to my aunt because she wanted nothing to do with her. Then she pulled out the only 3 pictures she had of me because my aunt was in them as well. I told her that those were the only pics she had of me and she said she didn't care.

It really hurt my feelings. I wanted to cry. I think I might have.

Obviously this was a dream, because in real life I wouldn't really be upset about it, I would have just commented that I would give her new pics of me.

This isn't the first time I've had dreams of Aly where she hurts my feelings...I guess it's leftover pain from everything that went down between us. We are in a much better place today, but it seems like a part of my heart still hurts. I hope it isn't something that lasts forever.

Anyway, the dream I had today affected me much more than the Aly dream. It was actually a two parter, sort of. The first "part" was about my childhood best friend, Stephanie. I don't remember much of the details, except that I was seeing her for the first time in years, and we were catching up and everything was great. It was as if no time had passed, and actually in my dream I felt we were even closer than ever. Her mom showed up (though in my dream it didn't physically look like her mom) and we were all talking. I woke up then probably because my room was hot and I had to use the bathroom. HAHA. But when I fell asleep again, I went into part two. I don't know what happened, exactly, it wasn't mentioned, but Stephanie was dead. I remember feeling so devastated. Lost. And I went back to her childhood home where her mom still lived (only the dream. In RL they no longer live there), and of course the house didn't look like anything it does in real life...but I went there and went to the back yard and underneath some leaves and an old rug I found some old middle school IDs for both me and Stephanie. Finding those IDs somehow broke my heart even more than before.

There was a bit more to the dream before I woke up, but that feeling I felt of losing Stephanie was what I took with me when I woke up, and I didn't like at all. This is also not the first dream I've had with Steph, although this is the first one where she has died. I didn't like it. At all.

I don't know what's going on in my subconscious, but there's something going on with really close friendships...Stephanie was my childhood best friend, Alyssa was my high school best friend. Maybe I'm just missing them individually? Maybe I'm missing my current best friends since we're in different states...I dunno.

I'm Awake!!!

I just had a frightening experience! I couldn't wake up from my dream!!! Actually, I couldn't wake up from my dreamssss. Multiple. I was dreaming that I was dreaming that I was in a dream within a dream and so on and so forth. I knew it was a dream because I wasn't wearing my glasses so I couldn't really see, and it was night time and dark, and I couldn't move very well - I was trapped in my comforter. But I was in an apartment and I was trying to figure out a way to wake up. And every time I woke up - or thought I woke up - I ended up back in the beginning of the dream. So I had to try a different approach to wake up. Eventually I guess I "passed" that particular dream, because then I was in a different dream. I was in some sort of castle, this time I had my glasses, but it was still dark and I kept waking up but still stuck dreaming. When I was there, I realized that not only was I dreaming, but that I was dreaming in a dream. And even if I managed to wake up, I would still be dreaming.

My mom in real life was getting ready for work, and I could hear the noises she was making in my dreams, so I started yelling at the top of my lungs, "Help! Please, wake me up. Wake me up!!!" Hoping that if I screamed it hard enough that the real life version of me would start to scream it too and maybe my mom would come and wake me up. But it didn't work, all it did was agitate me more because I felt like I'd been trapped in this dream realm for days. And so now I'm running around yelling, and crying, and I just want to wake up. And finally I do...but it's not real! How did I know? Because I was in some sort of Nikita dream, with bad guys and guns and all sorts of things. I just wanted to wake up! Finally, it was time for my mom to go to work so she came into my room to say goodnight and pulled me out of all of these dreams. I was truly awake this time! I felt so super relieved, and so super exhausted!!!

This is probably confusing to follow, but let me tell you...it was scary. I really thought I was stuck in dreamland forever, and they weren't the usual cool dreams/nightmares that I have, where I wouldn't mind. These were just odd (for me) and I didn't like them much. So the idea of being stuck there was really upsetting. *sighs* Hope this doesn't happen again any time soon.

Dream Kiss

What comes before or after does not matter.

I was with my roommate and I spotted him. I didn't want to seem obvious, that I like him, so I didn't approach him. But I couldn't keep my eyes from landing on him over and over. I ignored everything my roommate was saying, I was too focused admiring him.

Our eyes met and my heart skipped a beat. My feet began to move on their own, an enormous smile coming across my face. He was sitting at a water fountain, his smile led me to believe he was as happy to me as I was to see him. I sat down next to him - too close, but we both didn't seem to mind.

I don't recall what we talked about, all I know is that all of a sudden he threw his arms around me in a hug. It was nice, I like hugging him. He didn't let go right away, instead he kept talking - in my ear. He told me he missed me, and I moved my head back so I could see him - our faces a few inches from eachother - I looked into his brown eyes and I knew he was going to kiss me. But I didn't think he liked me the way I liked him, so I thought he was going to kiss my cheek, which is why, when he slowly leaned in, I turned my head, giving him my cheek.

I'm not gonna lie, it was the sweetest kiss my cheek had ever received. He left his mouth there longer than he needed to, and for some reason, this innocent kiss made me blush, my head drooping down slightly. Maybe because I could feel something in the air between us, and it felt like desire. As he slowly pulled away from my cheek I began to turn my head, facing him once more. He stopped, our lips so close to one another that I wanted to weep. And when I looked into his eyes once more, I saw the same emotion reflected in his eyes, a split second before I felt his hand tighten on my shoulder and saw him close the distance between our mouths.

It was a soft kiss, experimental. In my mind, I couldn't believe that he was kissing me, and I think he was as surprised as I was. The kiss last 2 seconds, I felt him slowly retreating, not sure of how he ended there or how I was going to react. I could feel his restrain, passion bubbling at the surface. I wanted that passion. So as he pulled away, I lightly bit down into his lower lip, slightly pulling him back, and then I let go. That was all it took. He brought back his mouth to mines, this time pressed more firmly against me, and pulled me even closer to him.

The kiss was passionate, full of hunger and desire. Everything faded away except for this man and this kiss. Every inch of my body tingled, and I felt like I was up in the sky lounging on a big, white, fluffy cloud. When our lips parted and he looked at me with a mixture of shock, astonishment, and desire, I felt so complete. Like I finally found that small part of me that was missing.

Now THAT'S a kiss! Damn! Can't stress it enough how badly I'm crushing on this individual. And now it has me wondering if that's how he really kisses.

Last Nights Dream

I was at a get together of some sort, hosted by the mafia. In a crowded room I locked eyes with a stranger. It was love at first sight. He had the kindest eyes, the way he looked into my own eyes gave me a warm feeling in my heart. I wanted to approach him, to talk to him, but the head of the mafia chose that moment to come up to me. He told me the get together was in my honor, that he wanted me to work for him.

I of course said no, I’m a good person, I would never work for the mafia. He obviously didn’t like that answer.

SCENE CHANGE:

I’m in the dark. Underground somewhere, and I can’t see anything. I’m digging through rocks and cardboard and junk, trying to get to my guy, who turns out to be an undercover cop whose cover had been blown. The head of the mafia buried him alive to teach both of us a lesson, and I was trying to dig him up. But it was hard, because I couldn’t see anything, and I didn’t know exactly where it was that he was buried. He knew I was there trying to save him, he kept talking to me, trying to reassure me that it was ok, not to feel guilty when I didn’t find him. He knew he was going to die. I refused to give up, even though time was running out and he was running out of oxygen. He then says to me, “It’s a good thing I like you as much as I do. Knowing your voice is the last I’m going to hear makes it alright.” Then he stops talking. I keep furiously digging through debris, a voice in my head (that isn’t my own) tells me to stop trying, he’s already dead, I’m too late. But I refuse to stop, I move stuff faster, my hands are beyond numb at this point. I keep going till finally I come across the end of all the junk, and wrapped in wallpaper is the guy. Unconscious, but alive! I scream out, “I found him!” and I hand him over to two guys (where they came from, I do not know) and they tell me he’s alive and they’re taking him to the hospital.

Death By Dream

Earlier this afternoon I took a nap. I had a really strange dream: It was Sailor Moon related. I was one of the Sailor Scouts, it kept switching between Sailor Mars and Sailor Mercury. Anyway, we were being attacked by sprites. We would try to run away from them, but they kept fluttering by our legs and for some reason no matter how fast we ran, they managed to latch on. When they did that, I would get shocked, bad, and it would hurt a lot. We tried to use our powers against them, but we were outnumbered and Serena (Sailor Moon) was passed out on the floor.

This was the first time that I had EVER felt physical pain in a dream. I've never felt anything physical, it was always emotional. Even when I've had sexual dreams, my mind acknowledges that it's something good, and inside it feels good, but physically I wouldn't feel anything.

I've never believed that if you die in a dream you die in real life, but now that I had this dream...I'm not so sure anymore. I felt pain, and it was a lot of pain. What if I have a dream where I get shot, will I feel it as much as the real thing? Could I die in a dream and never wake up? I've had hundreds of dreams where I've died, but I always wake up right before it actually happens...what if one night I go all the way...and I die?

Dreams

I don't know what happened today, but every time I woke up it was from a really cool, romance novel type dream! Two in particular stuck out to me. I wrote the first one on my dream journal and the second one I didn't because it was about a high school student that falls for her art teacher. It would be fun to write I guess, but it's a lil inappropriate. But the first one, WOWEE!

It's been a while since I wrote in my dream journal. The last entry was back in 07. I remember a time when I had one or two dreams a night and I would write them down in the mornings. I don't know what happened. I know I dream every night, but by the time I wake up the only thing that remains is the feelings behind the dream and nothing more. I hope I don't lose my dreams forever, I love them. They're so random! I even love the scary dreams. :D My dreams are the best thing I come up with, my creativity has no boundaries in that realm and I amaze myself at how detailed they are and how wondrous. I plan to make all of my dream entries into full-fledged stories one day.

Too much Law & Order...and Sims 2

Hello everyone, I hope everyone had a good weekend, I guess I could say I did. I had a dream last night, I guess it was more of a nightmare, but I like nightmares (lol), they don't scare me. It was about "Law & Order: SVU" which I happen to LOVE. I got into it about a year ago, and I've been hooked since, and if you have cable, you know that this summer on USA all they did was give "SVU" (and the occasional "Criminal Intent") marathon. I can safely say that I saw every "SVU" marathon this summer. And now I can also say that I've been watching too much "Law & Order", my dream was pretty much a new "SVU" episode that my mind conjured up, this is what I remember of it:

A little girl got raped and kidnapped, and Benson and Stabler were in charge of the investigation (of course), and they start running ideas w/ eachother about the person that might have done it, and they come up w/ a good-if vague-idea of who commited the crime. Benson later goes back to the little girl's house to talk to her mother, when she discovers a drop of blood that the tech. team missed, so she takes a sample of it, and then hears someone coming into the house. (Now at this point I'm Olivia) So I hide in one of the bedrooms-I guess to catch the perpetrator-but when I was about to bust him, I paused in fear. At that moment I did not know why. But then it fades to black (tooooo much tv time lol) and when it reconvenes (I guess after a commercial break) Benson and Stabler are at the girl's school (now I'm Stabler btw) and Olivia informs us that while we were looking for someone from the school before, now we have evidence that shows that while it's still someone from the school, it's actually one of her classmates that took her. So they brought Dr. Huang over to do a profile, and he said that the boy we were looking for was seriously disturbed (duh), had been physically abused, and showed an interest to sadomasochism that he just could not hide. Another commercial break, and then Stabler (still me) is laying in bed sleeping, and he has a prophetic dream. It flashes in front of his eyes as quick images, of first a little boy, then the little boy w/ bloody hands, then he's holding a bloody knife, and finally a look of glee. Stabler wakes up, and so do I. :P

Yup, that was my dream, maybe tonight I'll finish the episode, haha.

Now on for the second part of my blog title...Sims 2, yes I have come to the realization that I have played too much Sims, and this is why. Today at work, I was simming (playing Sims) and my Sim had all these wants that I wasn't fulfilling because I was forcing her to study and gain skill points, which she didn't want to do, BUT I was thinking about her lifetime goal (her aspiration) and in order to make her TRULY happy, I had to forgo her current wants. And then it hit me: Duh Jen, if YOU want to reach YOUR aspiration, you must forgo the things that you currently want, and start thinking about the bigger picture. So I shut off my Sims game (:'( wuahh) and worked on my writing. And that's when I know I've simmed too much, when I learn valuable lessons from it.