Hmm

Yesterday was a really good day for me. It was weird, I hadn't even noticed at first. You see, I took one of my old journals to work w/ me, and I started flipping through, reading my old poetry...kind of wishing I could still write like that. And I stumbled upon my (in my opinion) best work. Which was the stuff I wrote after my best friend betrayed me (we're not gonna get into details, because frankly it's old news). Well it's been 2 1/2 years and let me tell you that I was not over it, I cried myself to sleep every night just thinking what I did to push her away. What happened? Well ususally if I read something that reminds me of her, I'll just fall into this really huge depressive state, and nobody can get me out. I basically cry for days without stopping. But I noticed after I read them, that the only thing on my mind was how I wish I could be that good of a writer again...and then it hit me: It didn't affect me like it usually did, and I haven't cried myself to sleep in weeks! Slowly but surely I got over it, and as it dawned on me, my face slowly stretched into the biggest smile that I've had in YEARS...and the best part is I suddenly felt like writing...so I did...and this is the end result.

Beginning Again

I write this with a smile of hope
A glimpse of the future
And maybe my happiness.
A look back I took
Of all my worst moments
Neither shame nor embarrasment
Covered my face
No tears of sadness
No thoughts of regret
I can safely say
That I'm O.K
The day is brighter
The sky is lighter
Things will be O.K
No more wishing for clocks to turn back
No more crying in bed in the dark
I am whole again
And I rejoice the rebirth of Jen

Always....

Why is it that all through the day certain things happen, and you think, 'Hey, I can't wait to rant about this stuff on my blog.' But then you get home, and you log on to blogger and your mind goes blank, and your fingers refuse to cooporate? Well that happens to me on a dialy basis, more than once a day. So lets see if I can remember ANYTHING worth writing here about my days in my boring life.....Oh yeah, I had to work 15 hours on Friday, I swear I wanted to die. I worked from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m., and then got home, took a shower, and went to bed (around 11 p.m.) Then woke up at 6 a.m. to go back to work at 7. You have no idea how exhausted I was. I had no idea how exhausted I was till I got home Saturday (yesterday lol) and passed out till morning. I still can't believe I slept so many hours...I think I slept like 13 or 14 hours, it's outrageous. But I needed it, you should have seen the bags under my eyes...they were more like suitcases.

Today is my mom's birthday, she's 41, yay for her, hehe. She had the day off, and she did stuff around the house, and at the mall...just girl birthday stuff I guess. Unfortunatley, she got a call from her sister telling her that her second uncle (or something like that) died Friday, and that his family wants her to be at the funeral. We don't know how we're going to do this, she just opened up a store next to the laundrymat where I now work, and Tuesday is supposed to be her day off, so she could make it Tuesday, but she wants me to come along. That would be the real issue, I have nobody to cover me, my mom was acutally going to work for me Tuesday so I could have a day off since she has today off. So now she can't do that, she needs to drive up to Pennsylvania (remember we're in Connecticut) and she refuses to go to the funeral without me. I have no problem staying behind (not because I didn't care about the guy...but if you can't find someone to replace me, I'm not going to loose my job especially since it pays so well, and I want to move out of my mom's place)

Which is the other thing I wanted to talk about (write about...) I'm moving out! I don't know when, I don't know where, but I am. There's this place called Renaissance Towers that I've had my eye on for about a week. I hear the place is beautiful, with big bedrooms, and cheap (only 650 a month for 1 bedroom). So I've pretty much fallen in love with it even though I haven't seen any of the apartments yet. I have seen the first floor, which is the laundry room and the office, and it's nice, it has elivators and all that good stuff. I hear they have 1 bedroom apartments open, unfortunately I'm looking for a 2 bedroom apartment because my best friend wants to move out of her parents house and she's been waiting for me to have a steady job that paid enough so the both of us could split the cost. So I'm afraid it's unrequited love again! Unless they have a 2 bedroom place, which I WILL look into. But it was a perfect place for me to move to, considering my job is right across the street from the building...We'll see what happens. All I know is I want a big place, so I can finally get those shelves and put all my books someplace nice.

Speaking of books, I just started reading a new one (what a shocker) Another Harlequin Intrigue because you know that's almost all I read. Covert Makeover by Mallory Kane, it's the 3rd in the Miami Confidential series (next month comes the last one). What would I do without my Harlequin, I just don't know, but I think I'm going to go read now, so I'll stop this 34 page blog before I violate some rule about writing a specific amount of words or something :P

Please comment, I feel soooooooooo lonely, like I'm talking to myself...which I do when I lay in bed at night, so I really don't need to do it here as well...

AAAGH!

Where to begin...Well I sort of got a job. My mom got sick earlier this week and she needed someone to help her out at her job, so I did. Well she's supposed to start a differen't job Tuesday, and they were trying to find a replacement for her, so they kind of gave me the job. It pays very well, but I work from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. (I'm so not a morning person), and I have to work 7 days a week...not very cool.

Also I was supposed to hang out w/ a friend of mine who I sort of have a crush on. The conversation was really weird, he sounded like he didn't know what to say, but he was the one that called, and then after he asked what I was doing this weekend, it sounded as if he wanted to get off the phone ASAP. If it would have been any other person, I would have asssumed they were trying to ask me out...but he's weird (in a good way), so I don't know WHAT to think. What's worse is that he stood me up...that's the 3rd time he does it. We always hang out as a small group, never the two of us. And the times that we make plans (or well HE asks me if I want to hang) he always ends up standing me up...I don't get it

And then there's other stuff, that at the moment I really don't want to write down, it'll just bring me down, and I had a very exhausting day as it is. But if you're wondering why I hadn't written all this sooner....it's because we didn't have any cable, phone or internet for almost a week...turned out that the storm we had last week messed up something and we lost the service, bit it is fixed now...lol but I think you already knew that.

Random Craving

So I just saw a cranberry juice commercial, so naturally now I want some cranberry juice. I have little bottles of cranberry juice dancing in my head, so for some reason, I started thinking about the heat, which led me to think about good things to drink on a hot day...

1. Cranberry Juice :)
2. Lemonade
3. Water (can NEVER go wrong w/ that)
4. Passion Fruit

TADA :)

Also, new season of Project Runway starts this Wed. yay, which reminds me.....hehe....new season of Bones starts August 30th YAYAYAYAYAY! I CANNOT wait for that. The season finale was just such a jaw dropping episode, so now we know Temp's dad is still alive, which we find out 30 seconds before the episode is over :O He leaves the most cryptic message on her machine, and we're all like "Who's that?" (which is actually what Booth asks) and then Tempereance is like "That's my dad." And then it all went black, and I'm like whoa, and everyone watching was like whoa, and we were all just like...whoa. All I can say is...whoa. Speaking of good shows...Psych just premiered last Thursday after Monk, and I'm already hooked, it's such a funny show, and the fake psychic is hot ;D

Is anybody into ANY of these shows, or am I the only loser watching them?

As an afterthought, I read the comment Vera left me, which I really appriciated, and she's right. I shouldn't leave my work unamed so I will NOT edit the previous post and add a title. But I will tell you the name of the poem here...haha...cuz I'm cooky that way. "A look back" is what I decided to name it...tada...lol that's my word of the day. Tada :P

A lil writing

So I wrote a little bit today, started a story, which was very exciting since it's been over a year since I wrote anything...at least that's what I've been telling people. To be honest, I wrote something 3 months ago, I just didn't share it with anybody, but other than that I really hadn't written anything in over a year, lol. Well I decided to post what I wrote here because...well I dunno, I felt like it.

Untitled

Three years ago
I could no longer stand
The attraction that I felt all day
The way you irritated me
The way you made me smile
I hated you
Yet I wanted you

Three years ago
You finally noticed me
(Or maybe I noticed that you noticed me)
That's all it took

We went from being rivals
To being eachother's pest
To being friends
And finally...lovers...

Thus our bittersweet romance began
And with it
The end of what I once knew

You gave me romance
In all its cliches
I tried my best
To do the same

But the harder I tried
The more I knew
That I would never be good enough for you

My lack of self confidence
Turned me sour
Knowing I could never be
The girl you deserved
The girl I wanted to be
For you
And only you

I purposly sabotaged our relationship
Till all we had left was a friendship
And then I sabotaged that as well
Till all we had left was the past

Three years have passed
And even though I hadn't regretted it at first
As time went on
And the force of what I had done finally hit me,
I realized that all I needed to do
Was love you
Which I think I did
And if truth be told
I think I still do

So I write this
Three years after the fact
Hoping someday you'll read this...
(But also hoping you never do)

...She will never love you like I loved you

What's been going on

Well I was forced to quit my job Monday, it was either that or have them fire me. The till on the register I was on Friday was missing 150 dollars, so they reviewed the tapes, and I guess they didn't find out what happened to the money, so they had to get rid of me and the other person that used to register that day. At least though, since I chose to to resign the incident doesn't go on my record, and my boss said if I needed a recomendation that he'd be happy to give me one. So in the end, it wasn't so bad, although I did like my job, and I will miss it.

Well on my way home that day, I got a call from Cassie (my best friend) telling me to go down to Bassick (my old high school) because they were threwing Moody (my other best friend who was also a teacher at Bassick) a little going away party (She's moving to Jersey this summer). So I head over to Bassick, and I'm not really in a social mood...of course Moody can tell, so we sit and talk, she made me feel better, she always does :)

Ok so Tuesday I went to six flags with Cassie and some of her coworkers. It was a blast! I won a couple of stuffed animals, my fav. was the first one I won...a little baby road runner, he's soooooooooo cute!

Thursday night I spent the night at my brother's house so I could babysit the next day...and that's all I've done. The rest of the time I've been home.