She asked me how to be happy. And I laughed. Loudly. No one has ever asked me that question before. I'm always the depressed one, though not the type of depressed individual that brings people down. That whole "misery loves company" thing...well I do enjoy company when I'm miserable but I don't want the company to be miserable too! I usually fake a smile till I can get to my room or go in a corner with my mp3 and assure everyone I'm ok but in need of some me time.
I began to point that out to her, but she interrupted me and said, "But you are happy."
And...I am.
My life isn't perfect, but I appreciate all the little things. And this is what I told her:
I said that I don't know how to be happy, that it just kinda happened. It's been about a month now since I woke up in a really good mood, and I'm still happy.
I told her that certain things and certain people that were important to me were bad for me. And I had been trying to fix these things and these people, but it was just making me miserable. So I let them go, even though it hurt, because it was going to hurt a lot more and a lot longer if I kept them around.
Certain relationships were gone and nothing I could do would bring them back. I could not force what once was I just had to come to terms with what they are now. I hadn't realized that there were a few of those relationships in my life.
But now that I let them go, I can breathe easier. One less burden.
Then there's my writing. Well if you saw my V-log you know I haven't working on it this week because of my Sims. But I am working on it, slowly as it may be. I have something I want to do and I'm not letting anyone tell me I can't do it. I'll do it in my own way in my own pace. And that makes me happy.
Also, I've acquired some interesting relationships. And talking to these people just make me happy. Why? What is it about these people that is so special from others? I don't really know. All I know is that whenever I talk to Rick or Lisa (Yes Ms. Paranoid this means you) everything just brightens for me. I always end up with a huge grin on my face no matter what was said. I dunno, maybe it's because I feel special. HAHA!
These are the things that make me happy. These people and my choice to just let things go and let change happen. I'm who I am. I'm shy, I'm introverted, I'm always at home, always on the computer. And you know what? I don't care anymore if someone has a problem with it. Let me live my life as I choose. I'm happy where I'm at. I'm not saying I can't be happier, because I can. I'm lonely and horny, lol. But I'm not gonna worry about that either. I'm just going to do what I like to do, and once in a while, with the right friend, I'll do something out of my comfort zone and it'll be fun.
I'm happy.
I'm chill.
Be happy for me. And embrace me as the person I am because I embrace all of you for the person you are.
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