Coming out of hiding

I decided to blog tonight, not because I had anything to say, but because I've been kind of hiding. I've been on blogger reading other people's blog, leaving comments, but I haven't taken the time to catch you guys up on what's going on with me.

My weekend in Penn. was ok, I guess. Not as horrible as I expected, my aunt was on her best behavior, haha. She even found me on myspace and sent me a friend request :s. My mom and I got into at least 3 arguments, mind you we must have spent an accumulative 3-4 hours together that weekend. That just proves we are not meant to live in the same state. Needless to say, I was glad to be back in CT at the end of the weekend. Too much family, too much of my mother, too many huge bugs.

I'm having problems with Darnell, as always. Though I don't know what his problem is exactly, I think it may have something to do with the fact that I kicked him out of my bedroom last night when Bones was about to start. Well excuse me if I want to watch my favorite show in peace, with no interruptions, no stupid comments about how it's a dumb show, or how I'm obsessed with David Boreanaz, no snickering. If he would have just said he was going to be on his best behavior, I wouldn't have kicked him out, but he couldn't even do that, he just started laughing. So he grabbed his keys and headed back to work, now he refuses to answer my phone calls. Whatever, I'm so sick of this. Makes me realize that there are a lot of problems between us, that are not new, that were in fact, there 3 years ago when we dated.

And that makes me lonely, not because he's being a big baby (even though according to him I'M the big baby), but because I feel like I'm never going to find that guy. I'm 22 years-old and I've only had 2 official boyfriends my entire life, and both those relationships last 3 months. What is so wrong with me that I can't attract a nice guy. I'm not saying Darnell isn't a good person, he is, he helps people out when they need him, no questions asked, no matter how big a favor is, if he can do it he will. But he can be really mean sometimes, and it hurts my feelings, and then I get accused of being over emotional, and I'm told I'm overreacting. I just wish he wasn't so damn bipolar with me, I wish he wouldn't push me away, I wish we could go 1 week without getting into a fight, I wish he didn't make me cry so much-like I'm crying now. Because he can be so sweet sometimes, but he has this thing where he wants everything done his way. Like we only have sex when HE wants, or he'll only let me kiss him if HE feels like it. It's ok for him to not want to talk to me because he wants to sleep instead, or for him to call me as many times as he wants. But when I call him twice a day, I'm called clingy. I can't say I miss him, or that I want to see him. But he called me this past weekend to tell me to spend the weekend at his house because he wanted to cuddle.

So it's ok when HE says it's ok, but I can't say anything. I'm sorry but I don't operate that way. I'm not saying I don't get clingy, because I do sometimes but I don't have split personalities where one minute I'm all over him and then the next I'm annoyed because he's there all the time and blah blah blah. Forget it, I'm ranting, and I'm confused, and I don't know what to do with myself.

And for the record, I'm NOT sorry I kicked him out of my room for Bones because it was an AWESOME EPISODE!