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Monday, October 11, 2010

Still going at it

I haven't quit, ya'll!!! Although, I've wanted to...I'm too lazy for my own good. But that helped me keep motivated. I figure, maybe if I lose weight, I won't feel as lazy...right?

Today was another upper body weight day. I don't hurt - yet. I'm still eating tomatoes...they're growing on me. I don't "like" them, but I can tolerate them better.

My mood has slightly improved since the last post. I'm not getting that many Barco calls, so I just take each call I do have as mellow as I can.

My song assingnment that's due in a few days is a bit hard. It's a bit more...classical...than what I'm used to singing, and it goes up pretty high. I'm working on it though. I do want this, so I'm going to sing whatever Juliet wants me to sing and however she wants me to sing it.

I was feeling very blah this past week, and for a day or two I thought, "Why am I even bothering? I'm no good, I'm old, I'm fat, I'm never going to make it." I found myself going down this horrible spiral of depression the moment I thought those words, and that kind of helped me get back out. When I'm not performing, when I don't have the intent of doing it again...it's the most horrible feeling in the world. That's how I know how much I love theater, the idea of me not being a part of it is crushing!

So I took a deep breath, felt the crushing weight on my heart at the horrible prospect, and then let it go because I am not giving up.

Tada! I'm outta that grave I accidentally dug. Gotta keep it moving, and not look back. Never look back. Keep your eye on the prize.

Maybe I should play some Eye of the Tiger, seems appropriate. :P

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