I am truly a lazy person! Even with my writing (which is something I love to do) I'm lazy. I remember the comments my AP English teacher would leave on my papers my junior year of high school: 'You're such a good writer...but you're lazy on details. Stop being lazy and write them!'...Yup, that was Mrs. Schwartz for ya, never sugarcoated anything. She felt a special bond with that class, you see most of us (myself included) had her our freshman year for English. We were a very smart class, I know she liked that. I loved her very much, actually I've loved all of my English teachers :) even the temporary ones.
As I write this I find myself in awe yet again. It wasn't until recently that I realized how much I love to read and write, even now I'm not sure I truly know how much. It's been with me all my life, I've always done it, and I guess I've sort of taken it for granted.
I'm really hard on myself, really hard headed. I know that my lack of confidence has held me back tremendously, and I think I need to just take a leap of faith, and go for it! I would love to be a writer, I would love to get published, it's actually my new dream...my new goal in life. I would love to write romance, and young adult, and even a little poetry. My ultimate dream would be to get picked up by Harlequin, because I'm such a dork like that. But hey, it's a little bit more accessible than my old dream...Broadway.
I remember when my ultimate dream was to play Lucy in Jekyll & Hyde, and then I wanted to play Elphaba in Wicked. To tell you the truth, I would still love to do that last one. I'm such a fan of Idina Menzel. I usually sing something from Wicked or Rent when I'm in the shower :P But come on now...me? Broadway? Never! Oh sure I'm a great actress, that's the only thing in my life that I've owned up to, only thing I've felt confident of. I worked hard, I tore scenes apart, I built characters out of nothing. I'm a kick-ass actress :). My singing, well I think I'm an O.K singer, although I've had people compliment me left and right on my singing ability, I've still doubted myself. But I work hard, and I'm dedicated to singing so I can be good. Now this is where it gets tricky...dancing! I hate to dance, I have two left feet, and that's where I get screwed. I did take a dance class once, and I got the choreography faster than most people in the class. I also had a dance teacher come up to me and demand I take her African dance class...
Maybe I should have. Maybe if I stopped doubting myself long enough to actually try things...maybe if I wasn't so self conscience, or maybe if I wasn't such a coward, I could have been great! I sabotaged myself, and I have no one to blame but me. But not this time! I will not hold back, I'll write anything and everything, and I won't keep it locked in a journal. I'll show the whole world, I'll let them criticize me, and I'll learn, and grow as a writer! I mean, all my life, all of my English teachers have been telling me to write, to become a writer, and I think it's time I listen. I'm going to write my little heart out!
But I'm gonna need some help...I don't know where to begin, how do I got about it...do I need a college degree? Because I don't' have one, but dammit if I need one, I'll get one, I'll find the time to go to school...but what classes would I need to take? This is where I need help because I don't know how to go about it. Should I just enter contests? What do I do? What can I do? AGH...HELP!!! I'll be in a fetal position over in the corner if you need me...
